There are different types of testing. Some of them are:
AGRESSION TESTING: If this doesn’t work, I’m gonna kill somebody.
CONFESSION TESTING: Okay, Okay, I did program that bug.
DEPRESSION TESTING: If this doesn’t work, I’m gonna kill myself.
EGRESSION TESTING: Uh-oh, a bug… I’m outta here.
DIGRESSION TESTING: Well, it works, but can I tell you about my truck…
EXPRESSION TESTING: #@%^&*!!!, a f****** bug.
OBSESSION TESTING: I’ll find this bug if it’s the last thing I do.
OPRESSION TESTING: Test this now!
REPRESSION TESTING: It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.
SUGGESTION TESTING: Well, it works but wouldn’t it be better if…
Question: How many testers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: None. Testers do not fix problems; they just find them.
Question: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer1: What’s the problem? The bulb at my desk works fine!
Answer2: None. That’s a hardware problem.
To an optimist, the glass is half full.
To a pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To a good tester, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
A Project Manager is the one who thinks 9 women can deliver a baby in 1 month.
An Onsite Coordinator is the one who thinks 1 woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.
A Developer is the one who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver 1 baby.
A Marketing Manager is the one who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
A Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.
A Scrum Master is the person who is never happy with the process to produce a baby.
A Tester is the one who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.
A tester has the heart of a developer…
In a jar on the desk.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a work station…
Tester walks into a bar…
… run into a bar
… order 0 beers
… order 2 bilion beers
… order -1 beer
… order a lizard
… order ‘; drop table orders’
In God we trust – everything else we test
Being a Software Tester is easy.
It’s like riding a bike.
Except the bike is on fire.
And you are on fire.
And everything else is on fire.
And you’re in hell.
If McDonalds were managed like a software company:
1 out of every 100 Big Macs would give you food poisoning,
and the response would be:
‘We’re sorry, here’s a coupon for two more.’
And my personal favorite:
Always code as if the person who ends up testing your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.